We built a well!

As you may remember, back in 2011, we held our Rally to Restore Unity—a little online celebration of Christian civility, complete with posters, photos, a synchroblog, guest posts, and a fundraiser for Charity Water. 

You made some pretty awesome signs: 

Between the rally and my birthday, we raised $5,000, enough money to help fund a major water project for Charity:Water. And this week, I received notification from Charity:Water that our project has finally been completed! 

It’s a drilled well, located in Machelot village in northern Ethiopia. (You can actually check out the GPS coordinates here.)

The well serves about 500 people who have been trained by Charity:Water’s local partners in safe hygiene practices and basic maintenance of the well. Each family using the new water source contributed toward their project's construction and will continue to pay a small amount to use the water; the community will save this money for any necessary maintenance and repairs. 

According to our contact at Charity:Water, “The people here, especially women and children, used to walk up to two hours to collect water for their families. Even then, each family member had to make do with about five liters of water per day for drinking, bathing, cooking and everything else. The water wasn't safe to drink and often made people sick. Thanks to your help, people here are walking significantly less every day to collect water. This means each family now can use up to 15 liters per person per day! Most importantly, the water they bring home each day is safe enough to drink.”

Members of the community decided to build the fence and door to prevent animals from contaminating the area. 

Diseases from unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation kill more people every year than all forms of violence, including war. Children are especially vulnerable, as their bodies aren't strong enough to fight diarrhea, dysentery and other illnesses. In Africa alone, people spend 40 billion hours every year walking for water. Women and children usually bear the burden of water collection, walking miles to the nearest source, which is unprotected and likely contaminated.  Time spent walking and resulting diseases keep them from school, work and taking care of their families. Along their long walk, they're subjected to a greater risk of harassment and sexual assault. With safe water nearby, women are free to pursue new opportunities and improve their families’ lives.

You can learn more about the community at Machelot here, and more about how Charity: Water turns a fundraising campaign into a completed water project here. 

I cannot thank you enough for your donations, which ranged from $5 to $500.  It’s such an honor to be part of this community, which has connected with another community, many miles away. 

As we think of the women and children in these pictures, and all the ways in which this water will nourish and cool and cook and clean in their community, two prayers from Jan Richardson (In the Sanctuary of Women) come to mind. I hope you will pray them with me sometime today:  

When you come
to the depth of your thirst—
Its dryness, its dust; 
when you arrive at the far reaches 
of a desert within,
may the God of the wilderness 
bring forth a well; 
may you open wide to the drenching 
of the water of life.

***

From every hardship, let there come honey.
From every struggle, sweet. 
Let angels. Let manna. 
Let wellsprings. Let rest. 
To the hungry, let food.
To the thirsty, let drink. 
Clothes to the naked, care to the sick.
To the stranger, let welcome. 
To the prisoner, let company. 
Let honey. Let honey. Let honey. 

Learn more about Charity:Water. 

Why Progressive Christians Should Care About Abortion

I knew what abortion was before I knew where babies came from. 

Growing up in the evangelical subculture of the 80s and 90s, I was well versed in the language of the pro-life cause, as familiar with Roe vs. Wade and the silhouette of a tiny fetus as I was with Disney princesses and contemporary Christian music. My young mind grasped the essence of the pro-life argument—that all of life is valuable, no matter how small or vulnerable—but mistakenly reduced the solution to abortion to a single step—vote for a pro-life president, and abortion will go away. A Republican president meant no more dead babies. It was as simple as that. 

…Until it wasn’t. 

The first president I voted for was George W. Bush. My dad dropped me off at the polling station and I marched into the Rhea County Courthouse to cast my vote for life.  While President Bush endorsed the 2005 Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act, which I supported, he also championed a pre-emptive war in Iraq that costs hundreds of thousands of lives.  His presidency did not make much of a dent in the abortion rate, and even though he appointed conservative judges, Roe vs. Wade remained intact.  By the time W finished his second term, I had graduated from college, come to terms with the fact that the criminalization of abortion is highly unlikely no matter the party in power, expanded my definition of “pro-life” to include Iraqi children and prisoners of war, and experienced first-hand some of the major problems with America’s healthcare system, which along with poverty and education issues, contributes to the troubling abortion rate in the U.S. I remained pro-life idealistically, but for the first time, voted for a pro-choice president, hoping that the reforms I wanted to see in the healthcare, the economy, immigration, education, and for the socioeconomically disadvantaged would function pragmatically to reduce abortions. A couple of my conservative friends called me a baby killer. Several questioned my salvation. 

As I advocated for the election (and re-election) of President Obama, I confess I grew somewhat embarrassed by the pro-life cause. I hated those cars that boasted a “Choose Life” sticker on one bumper and a “You’ll Have to Pry My Gun From My Cold, Dead Hands” on the other. The stubborn commitment to abstinence-only education among many evangelicals struck me as counterproductive to the cause, and those awful statements about how a raped woman has a “way of shutting that whole thing down” to prevent pregnancy were shameful and ignorant. Plus, sometimes it seemed like abortion was the only social justice issue my evangelical friends cared about, so they turned a blind eye to the ways in which Republican politics might hurt other disadvantaged groups, or turned my advocacy on behalf of other causes (like gender equality, trafficking, peace, healthcare reform, gun control, etc.) as an opportunity to make a statement about the horrors of abortion in comparison.  It was all picket signs and prayer walks. But I wanted more conversations, and action, around poverty, adoption, and healthcare. 

For a lot of pro-lifers, it seemed, abortion was all about the baby.

The woman, and the factors that might contribute to her decision to terminate her pregnancy, didn’t seem to matter much.

But how can we end abortion if we don’t examine why women seek out abortions in the first place? Making it illegal won’t stop it from happening, and yet so many of our efforts are directed toward that end. Aren’t we wasting our time and money by simply throwing it at politicians who wave the pro-life banner, but then do little, practically, to address the underlying issues related to abortion? And why on earth oppose access to birth control and reforms in the health care system when those will likely make the biggest difference in actually curbing abortions in this country? 

(For an interesting look at the problem of categorizing the pill as an abortifacient, check out Libby Anne’s piece on the topic, where she notes that “if your goal is to save ‘unborn babies,’ and if you truly believe that a zygote – a fertilized egg – has the same value and worth as you or I – the only responsible thing to do is to put every sexually active woman on the pill,” because the pill actually reduces the number of zygotes naturally rejected by a woman’s body. Also, this month's Christianity Today includes a short article on how the morning-after pill does not inhibit implantation, but rather blocks fertilization.)

Furthermore, as I became more involved in the feminist conversation (some feminists are pro-life, of course, but many are pro-choice), I began to understand some of the arguments against the criminalization of abortion, like that banning abortion does not necessarily reduce the abortion rate, that enforcing a ban on all abortions would be impossible, and that women would likely seek out abortions through unsafe, illegal procedures anyway. 

I also began listening to heartbreaking stories—from women like Cecily and Tamara who had to terminated wanted pregnancies for their health.   

And when I was honest with myself, I had to admit that I don’t know exactly when life begins (at fertilization? at the first heartbeat? at the existence of brain waves?). Does the Bible, or Christian tradition, really make this abundantly clear? There is even disagreement among Christians about this, (and historically, even among evangelicals), so was it really my place to deny a woman who has been raped, for example, access to a morning-after pill? 

And so I remained pro-life in my personal conviction, but I began to question my position that all abortions should be criminalized. I could be against abortion personally, but ambivalent about its legality, right?  I could have my own convictions about this issue without making a scene. It was as simple as that. 

….Until it wasn’t.

Under President Obama’s presidency, the overall abortion rate has indeed seen a decline, but he overturned some of Bush’s restrictions on late-term abortions, and there are these drones in the sky that don’t seem very pro-life to me.  I squirmed on the couch when, during the 2012 Democratic National Convention, cheers erupted upon every mention of a woman’s “right to choose.” A lot of pro-choice folks like to say that “no one is pro-abortion,” but when celebratory concert series and festivals are organized around the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, I can’t help but question the degree to which we have desensitized ourselves to the reality that abortion means the termination of, at the very least, a potential life, something that should never be celebrated with balloons and rock concerts. 

What frustrates me about the pro-choice movement is the lengths to which advocates go to de-humanize unborn children and sanitize the abortion procedure, reducing life to nothing more than a cluster of cells and the implications of pregnancy to little more than a choice. The word “fetus” is used instead of “child.” Efforts to encourage women to receive counseling prior to an abortion are stubbornly opposed. The argument is framed around the woman’s body exclusively, as if the fetus is inconsequential, and pro-life advocates are characterized as being “against” women’s rights. (Frankly, as a woman, and a feminist, I don’t like people invoking my “rights” to unilaterally support abortion.)

For a lot of pro-choicers, it seems, abortion is all about the woman.

The unborn child, and all the complicated, terrifying, and beautiful things its life represents, don’t seem to matter much. 

So just as I grew irritated with the pro-life movement for its inconsistency and simplistic solutions, I grew irritated with the pro-choice movement for its callousness and disinterest in discussing the very real ethical concerns surrounding the termination of a pregnancy. 

And then the Kermit Gosnell story blew up. 

The story involved dead babies and dead women, the exploitation of poor and marginalized immigrants and minorities, filthy conditions, racism, and multiple governmental failures.  

"This case is about a doctor who killed babies and endangered women,” the Grand Jury reported, “What we mean is that he regularly and illegally delivered live, viable babies in the third trimester of pregnancy - and then murdered these newborns by severing their spinal cords with scissors. The medical practice by which he carried out this business was a filthy fraud in which he overdosed his patients with dangerous drugs, spread venereal disease among them with infected instruments, perforated their wombs and bowels - and, on at least two occasions, caused their deaths… Bureaucratic inertia is not exactly news. We understand that. But we think this was something more. We think the reason no one acted is because the women in question were poor and of color, because the victims were infants without identities, and because the subject was the political football of abortion." 

In response, pro-life made the (accurate) observation that it is a mere technicality that separates the legal termination of late-term pregnancies from the illegal termination of late-term pregnancies so gruesomely exposed by the photos from Gosnell’s clinic.  Pro-choice advocates made the (accurate) observation that Gosnell is being prosecuted precisely because what he did was illegal and warned that, should abortion be criminalized, practices like his would likely flourish. I was pleased to see many pro-life advocates acknowledge that the story highlights the role poverty plays in abortion, admitting that the women in this case were marginalized and vulnerable, and that their needs ought to be talked about more often. I was pleased to see many pro-choice advocates acknowledging that the stark reminder of what happens to a fetus in a late term abortion was rightfully unsettling. (It should be noted that late tern abortions make up a very small percentage of abortions, as do cases of rape and incest…so both sides tend to appeal to rare cases in debates.) Kristen Howerton, among others, had the good sense push past all the pointless rhetoric about a supposed media conspiracy to ask why on earth the state of Pennsylvania didn’t shut this place down sooner. 

Here was abortion—in all of its heartbreaking complexity, with all of its ties to life, death, poverty, exploitation, fear, loneliness, politics, and propaganda—sprawled out on the front pages of our newspapers, and no single side “won.” It was an indictment on our shared apathy, on our shared callousness, on our shared simplistic political solutions. 

“…Because the women in question were poor and of color, because the victims were infants without identities, and because the subject was the political football of abortion." 

Not surprisingly, I couldn’t think of anything worthwhile to say. I was, truly, speechless. 

My conservative friends took the opportunity to chastise and pester me, convinced my delay in writing a post on the topic revealed my participation in some vast media conspiracy and my unwarranted preoccupation with “minor” issues like gender equality in the church. When I explained on Twitter that a post about abortion isn’t simple enough to fit into 600 words, a guy tweeted back, “Sure it is. I can fit it in three: It’s always wrong.” 

Is it? 

When the life or health of the mother is at stake? 

In the case of rape or incest? 

When a woman’s body naturally disposes of a zygote? 

Meanwhile, my more liberal friends begged me not to write anything at all. It’s too complicated, they said, too controversial, too complex. 

Is it? 

When the life of the weaker is taken by the stronger? 

When one out of five pregnancies in this country end in abortion? 

When places like these fail to get shut down in part because we’ve turned abortion into such a political issue? 

I think a lot of progressive Christians like myself, eager to distance ourselves from some of the rhetoric and policies of the Republican brand of the pro-life movement, shy away from talking about abortion, when our call to do justice and love mercy demand that we speak and act to address this issue, even though it may be more complicated than we originally thought.  

In fact, I wonder if an appreciation of the nuances in the debate, and of abortion’s connection to traditionally “progressive” issues like poverty and healthcare, may actually make those of us who are “stuck in the middle” especially effective agents of change.  Let’s face it: We are unlikely to find a single party that truly represents a “culture of life,” and abortion will probably never be made illegal, so we’ll have to go about it the old fashioned way, working through the diverse channels of the Kingdom to adopt and support responsible adoption, welcome single moms into our homes and churches, reach out to the lonely and disenfranchised, address the socioeconomic issues involved, and engage in some difficult conversations about the many factors that contribute to the abortion rate in this country, (especially birth control). It seems to me that Christians who are more conservative and Christians who are more liberal, Christians who are politically pro-life and Christians who are politically pro-choice,  should be able to come together on this and advocate for life in a way that takes seriously the complexities involved and that honors both women and their unborn children. 

In other words, instead of focusing all of our efforts on making “supply” illegal, perhaps we should work on decreasing demand.  And instead of pretending like this is just an issue of women’s rights, perhaps we should acknowledge the very real and very troubling moral questions surrounding a voluntarily terminated pregnancy. 

I am still unsure of exactly how to do this. I don’t even know where to start, really. The more I learn, the more complex this issue becomes. But the Gosnell case does in fact point to something simple: that we are failing to care for the most marginalized and helpless among us, be they unborn children or women whose desperation sent them to Gosnell’s clinic. And we won’t be able to promote a “culture of life” until we are willing to advocate on behalf of both. 

Perhaps God has called those of us who feel “stuck in the middle” to do exactly that. 

###

What do you think?

How has your thinking on abortion changed and evolved through the years? What was your response to the Gosnell story?

And what sort of PRACTICAL steps can Christians take to to both address the complexities of abortion and actually curb the abortion rate?

Note: I'm closing the comment thread, just because once you reach 600+ comments, it's a bit too much to manage. Most were civil and thoughtful, so thank you for engaging!

Gifts That Give Back, 2012!

It’s cyber-Monday! As has become tradition here, I’ve included some ideas below for gifts that give back. This year I focused on people and organizations that are close to my heart….so there aren’t as many, but I can vouch for each.

Coffee

Our dear friends Quentin and Jessica McCuiston are hoping to adopt a little girl from South Africa, but international adoption is expensive. They still need to raise close to $20,000 dollars before Christmas in order to bring this particular little girl home with them. I know without a doubt these two will be amazing parents. They are creative, fun, courageous, wise, committed to their faith, and they make a great team together. I’ve known them since high school and could not be more proud to call them friends.

One way you can help out is by purchasing fair trade coffee from Just Love. This stuff is tasty, let me tell you!  Best of all, for every bag of coffee you order, $5 goes to Quentin and Jessica’s adoption fund.

I recommend the fair trade Sumatra and the fair trade Ethiopian Sidamo: Oromia

Or, you can always just make a tax-deductible donation to Quentin and Jessica’s adoption fund via Lifesong. Quentin and Jessica’s home church, Apostles NYC, has paired with Lifesong and has graciously given a matching grant of $5,000, so your donation will go a long way! Be sure to specify preference McCuiston #3252 adoption in the form provided. 

Accessories

If you’ve spent much time on the blog, you know I’m a big fan of Hill Country Hill Tribers, a non-profit that provides supplemental income and marketable skills for Burmese refugee artisans living in Austin, Texas. Not only do I love their products—(I own three necklaces that always get compliments)—I love their community. As you may remember, we partnered with HCHT for our Women of Valor essay contest. One of my favorite contributions to that series was the story of Ra Noe, a HCHT artisan and true woman of valor.  

For gifts, I recommend one of the kachin necklaces made by Christine, or the woven eternity scarf made by Ra Noe.

Prints

If you’ve been considering purchasing an Old & New print since you saw the project featured on the blog a few months ago, today would be a great day to do it. Old & New donates proceeds from print sales to Blood: Water Mission, a fantastic charity. For Cyber Monday, they’re hoping to raise $300 in print sales. As a special offer, they’ve reduced the prices in their Soceity6 shop today. With each print sale, they’ll make $2 for Blood:Water Mission, which means if they sell 150 prints, they’ll reach their goal of $1,000 donated this year—a mark that will provide a rain-water catchment tank in Lwala, Kenya.  These are gorgeous prints. You my recognize a few that have been featured on the blog:

Design by Brian Danaher for the Old & New Project

Design by Lindsey Mccormack for the Old & New project, used with permission.

Chocolate

Don’t forget to buy fair trade for you stocking stuffers!

My #1 favorite:  
Divine 70% Dark Chocolate with Raspberries

My #2 favorite: 
Equal Exchange Organic Dark Chocolate with Almonds

My #3 favorite: 
Green & Black’s Organic Dark Chocolate Espresso

Bath & Body

Founded in 1997 by Becca Stevens, an Episcopal priest on Vanderbilt's campus, Magdalene is a residential program for women who have survived lives of prostitution, trafficking, addiction and life on the streets. Thistle Farms is the organization’s social enterprise. The women of valor enrolled in the program create natural body care products and candles.

I recommend the travel survival kit.

General

Pure Charity & The Legacy Project: So this is pretty cool. With Pure Charity, your everyday purchases at stores like Target, Best Buy, and Walmart can earn you money back in a personal giving fund.  All it will cost you is a few minutes of time to sign up with Pure Charity. You can still shop sales and promotional prices, and the rewards will add up with no cost to you. And once you’ve racked up a little money in your fund, you can in turn donate the money to a cause on Pure Charity. I suggest supporting the Legacy Project from Help One Now. Some of our favorite bloggers—Sarah Bessey, Kristen Howerton, Mary DeMuth, and Jen Hatmaker—are building a school in Haiti, an I don’t know about you, but I dig the idea of a portion of my wrapping paper purchases going toward this goal! 

Ten Thousand Villages: one of the world’s largest fair trade organizations and a founding member of  the World Fair Trade Organization, Ten Thousand Village has been around for a long time and has just about the best variety you’ll find online. (They also have plenty of brick-and-mortar stores across the country.) You can always count on beautiful, quality products from Ten Thousand Villages.  They’ve got some pretty serious Cyber Monday deals going on today.

http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/golden-star-ornament

Goats and Stuff (for others, not you)

From World Vision: Ducks ($18), chickens ($25), or a goat ($75). In Bolivia, I saw firsthand just how effective World Vision’s agricultural fund can be. The gift of livestock helps families lift themselves out of poverty in a way that is sustainable and dignifying. Last Christmas, we gave chickens in honor of extended family members who live far away, and each of them received a personalized Christmas card letting them know that a chicken had been given in their name. It was a hit, and so much better than sending bulky packages or gift cards they may or may not use. You can check out their gift catalog here. 

From Samaritan’s Purse - an organization that is swift in responding to disaster relief and does amazing things to help refugees around the world. You can check out their gift catalog here. 

From CWJC - Christian Women's Job Corp: This is another organization my sister has worked for (yeah, she's that kind of woman), and I know from firsthand experience it does amazing work. Right now, during the CWJC's "Be a Light" campaign, you can choose a "star" that will help empower a family in middle Tennessee break the cycle of poverty. $25 will provide free childcare for a child of a mom or dad enrolled in computer classes. $50 will provide a job coach to an unemployed job seeker. $125 will pay a single mom’s GED testing fee. $250 will enroll internationally-born residents in Conversational English Classes. $500 will provide food, rent assistance, and bus passes for an unemployed woman as she searches for jobs. $1,000 will enroll a GED graduate in a college/job training program. Learn more here. 

Christmas Cards

I love Unicef’s Christmas cards because they have so many bright and colorful ones to choose from. I buy them almost every year. But you can find a nice list of charities that make Christmas cards—from Autism Speaks to The Humane Society to The Make a Wish Foundation—here.

***

I’ve got my own little Cyber Monday deal today. Leave a comment in the comment section with your own suggestions for gifts that give back and you will automatically be entered to win a signed copy of A Year of Biblical Womanhood. Contest runs through 12 a.m., November 27.

So, what gift ideas do you want to share?

Something you should know about...

Half the Church: Recapturing God's Global Vision for Women

By Carolyn Custis James

If you had the privilege of catching PBS’ Independent Lens special, “Half the Sky,” based on the book by the same name authored by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, you will want to know that the Kindle edition of Carolyn Custis James’ amazing book, Half the Church, is on sale this week for $1.99!

In Half the Church, James argues that the Church’s emphasis on marriage and motherhood is not far-reaching enough to encompass every woman’s whole life within a multicultural, rapidly changing world. In order to take on the sort of injustices we encounter in Half the Sky, Christian women must be freed to lead and to capitalize on God’s positive, life-affirming vision for them. I named it as one of my favorite books on justice here. 

Just thought I'd let you know!

Some words for Christians on both sides of the Chick-fil-A war

Just some thoughts from a retired veteran of the culture wars—

To Christians speaking out against Chick-fil-A:  

I understand. I too believe marriage is a civil right in this country, and I too get frustrated when Christians appeal to their faith  to withhold this right from their neighbors. I too am tired of selective appeals to “biblical marriage” that tend to glorify the modern nuclear family as the only ideal and render real people with real lives into a mere political/religious “issue,” and I too am reluctant to support an establishment that sends part of its profits to the Family Research Council, an organization that has fed blatant misinformation about homosexuality to Christians for years. I am especially sorry to my LGBT friends who have been bullied in the name of Christ—many of you as Christians  yourself—and I long for the Church to become a more welcoming home to all who want to follow Jesus, regardless of race, gender, socio-economic status, or sexual orientation. You have every right to be tired of being treated as a second-class citizen.

I get it. I really do.

 But I beg you to please remember that not all Christians who speak out against gay marriage are bigots or homophobes, and calling them those names is as unjust as it is unkind. Many of the people I love most in my life fall into this “camp,” and most of them mean it when they say that they sincerely love their friends and relatives in the LGBT community and wish they knew of some way to hold to their convictions without hurting or insulting their neighbors.  

With this in mind, please make your boycott a peaceful and respectful one by simply staying away from Chick-fil-A restaurants or protesting outside of them. I am distressed by plans floating around the internet that encourage folks to demand free food or water from Chick-fil-A restaurants on August 1 or to show up to restaurants in drag.  Plans like these end up affecting restaurant employees more than anyone, and none of this is their fault. In addition, they tend to perpetuate misinformation and stereotypes about the so-called “gay lifestyle.” As one gay man I know put it: “I’ve never dressed in drag in my life! This doesn’t represent me.”  In the past, I’ve bemoaned the tendency for some Christians to confront store clerks during Christmastime, demanding that they play religious Christmas music over the PA and say “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays.” That sort of behavior is petty and unbecoming, so let’s not engage in it. 

Also, we should all be concerned with calls from some city leaders to deny Chick-fil-A building permits, as these raise serious constitutional concerns. As representatives from the ACLU have pointed out, if a government can exclude a business for being against same-sex marriage, it could just as well exclude a business for being in support of same-sex marriage. I live near Murfreesboro, Tennessee, where some government officials tried to use this same strategy to ban the building of a mosque in the area, and I spoke out against such a blatant infringement on religious liberty. If Chick-fil-A discriminates based on race, gender, or sexual orientation, then they should be subject to government intervention, but a government cannot and should not punish someone for free speech. Celebrating the withholding of building permits is not only constitutionally problematic, it’s also bad strategy. It perpetuates the fear among many conservative Christians that part of the so-called “gay agenda” involves restricting free speech and persecuting Christians. This will only further entrench the “us vs. them” mentality and break down any potential the sort of meaningful, constructive dialog that actually leads to change. 

Finally, having grown up in the evangelical subculture where boycott is something of a sport, take it from me: boycotts often backfire. Already Mike Huckabee has called conservative Christians to flood Chick-fil-A with their business, and I see many of my friends and neighbors responding enthusiastically.  Remember how you responded to the boycott against JC Penny over Ellen? (For me it was a super-cute floral top.) Well, the same thing is likely to happen in this case. Again, what concerns me the most in all of this is the drawing of unmovable lines between the Christian community and the LGBT community when these lines need not exist. As Christians, we should be working tirelessly to find common ground instead of drawing battle lines. 

In short, we can choose not to patronize Chick-fil-A  without 1) calling those who support Chick-fil-A bigots and homophobes, 2) making scenes that make life hell for Chick-fil-A employees, 3) promoting one civil right while trampling on another, or 4) focusing all our efforts on a boycott to the expense of more productive conversations and actions. 

 To Christians supporting Chick-fil-A:  

I understand.  It is frustrating and unfair be called a bigot and a homophobe just because you don’t support gay marriage, or worst yet, just because you enjoy the occasional waffle fry at Chick-fil-A.  (Mmmm....waffle fries.) Sometimes it seems like tolerance and understanding is extended to everyone except conservative Christians, and when some city governments threaten to deny building permits over an issue like this, you have to wonder where they will draw the line.  I’m sorry that you have been called names and that your motives have been questioned.  

I get it. I really do. 

But please remember, our allegiance is to Jesus Christ, not a restaurant.  Rallying behind Chick-fil-A at this time can come across as tribalistic, petty, and divisive. Please know that when you post a picture of yourself defiantly holding a Chick-fil-A bag on Facebook, it may send a hurtful message to your LGBT friends who—fair or not—have come to associate Chick-fil-A with anti-gay organizations and anti-gay remarks.  There are better causes than "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" around which Christians can rally. (Feeding the hungry perhaps?) There is no need to cause unnecessary offense to folks who have already been so ostracized by the Church, no need to wave a red and white banner through yet another culture war.  If you really want to love your gay friends and neighbors, shoving Chick-fil-A bags in their faces right now is just not the way to do it. 

Second, please don’t cry “persecution!” As unfair as this boycott may seem, calling it religious persecution is insulting to the blood-stained history of the church and to the many Christian men and women who suffer very real persecution in the world today. (Keep in mind too that LGBT folks are often subjected to bullying, violence, and hate. ) We should all be grateful to live in a country where free speech is protected—whether it’s Dan Cathy’s comments on gay marriage or a protestor’s homemade sign—and we must be wary of victimizing ourselves over something like this lest we render the word “persecution” meaningless. 

Finally, I urge you to take a few moments to listen to the stories of gays and lesbians who have been negatively affected by the organizations that are supported by Chick-fil-A.  Last week, Alise Wright highlighted some of the problematic elements of Family Research Council in particular, which has been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center and has consistently tried to link gays and lesbians to pedophiles. She concludes: “This is why I, and many others, choose not to patronize Chick-fil-A. Not because we disagree with the owner’s views on marriage equality. Not because we believe that denying marriage rights means that you hate those to whom you are denying those rights. Not because we believe that Dan Cathy’s statements constitute hate speech. But because Chick-fil-A has funded a hate group.” 

Conor Gaugham weighed in with a Huffington Post article explaining that protestors are not simply “arguing over chicken,” but over the 5 million in donations that Chick-fil-A—(the restaurant itself, not Cathy personally)—has sent to organizations that “fight to discriminate against [gays and lesbians].” 

“Eat all the chicken sandwiches you want,” he said. “But, realize that behind this debate are real people -- kids like the girl in Kentucky who fear for their safety, women like Sally Ride's widow who are denied their spouse's Social Security benefits.” 

Our friend Justin Lee jumped in yesterday and explained why Cathy’s words are hurtful to a gay Christian like himself and reminded us that just as folks who don’t support gay marriage as a civil right should not automatically be accused of homophobia and bigotry, so folks who do support gay marriage as a civil right should not automatically be accused of “pride,” “arrogance,” “inviting God’s judgment” and “shaking their fists at God.”

And today Alise warns against dismissing the concerns of Chick-fil-A protestors as silly or unimportant, reminding us that “for a lot of people, this is real injustice.”  

“...Up to 40% of all homeless youth identify as LGBT," she writes, "and of those, almost 80% left because their families rejected them when they came out...There are more than 1100 federal benefits denied to same-sex couples...LGBT youth are five times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers...That’s a real injustice.” 

Indeed it is, and I think evangelicals in particular tend to turn a blind eye to the ways in which some of these religiously-based organizations may be inadvertently contributing to these problems rather than helping  alleviate them.  Most of my gay friends have had interactions with one or two of these groups, and when they tell me their stories—of wanting to kill themselves after trying desperately to change their orientation, of feeling forced to keep their same-sex attraction a secret and date members of the opposite sex in hopes that marriage would “fix” them, of being compared to pedophiles, of being told they would suffer forever in hell for their orientation, of their parents being blamed for being “absent” or “controlling” when they weren’t and when there are absolutely no studies to suggest this makes children gay anyway, of watching gay friends get married and then divorced because they couldn’t keep up the charade, of thinking they deserved the bullying because God hates them too—it breaks my heart. 

I urge you to take a few moments to listen to people like Conor, Alise, and Justin so that you understand their perspective better, and I urge you to research the organizations funded by Chick-fill-A before jumping on Facebook to enthusiastically support them. Ask yourself - Is this a cause I really want the world to see Christians mobilizing around? Does this really advance the gospel and show the love of Christ?

So, in short, you can choose to patronize Chick-fil-A without 1) rubbing it in people’s faces, 2) crying persecution, and 3) closing your ears to the concerns of others, particularly those from the LGBT community.

In conclusion, we would all do well to remember that the genius of the culture wars is that they convince us we change the world through bumper stickers, boycotts, and ballot boxes. They mobilize us around insignificant "wins" that, in the long run, only make things worse. The truth is, this whole Chick-fil-A storm will probably blow over in a few weeks, and when we come out from our hiding place in the basement, I fear that the only thing that will have changed is the unnecessary divide between the Christian community and the gay community will have grown wider.  

And as much as we might like to, we can’t turn around and head back to the basement. 

As Christians—conservative and progressive, gay and straight, activists and slacktivists—we must direct our efforts instead toward bridging this divide, which is going to take a lot of hard work, a lot of disappointment, a lot of tears, a lot of compromise, a lot of honesty, a lot of mistakes, a lot of apologies, a lot of listening, a lot of forgiveness, a lot of meal sharing, a lot of gospel. 

In other words, it’s going to take a heck of a lot more effort than either eating or avoiding a chicken sandwich. 

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For a group that’s doing good work to bridge the divide, I recommend the Gay Christian Network, which welcomes both conservative Christians and progressive Christians to the table for conversation. 

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Closing the comment thread at 6 p.m. EST. Dialog has been mostly civil and constructive, but until I can get a team of moderators, it's too much for one girl to handle. Thanks for understanding!