​My husband Dan went in for a check-up the other day, and came back with strict instructions from his doctor to eat a bowl of ice cream before bed every night. 

Those who know Dan know that he’s a little on the thin side. This year he burned some extra calories fixing up and re-selling an old house in downtown Dayton, so he really needs to put on a few pounds. 

I have a hard time feeling sorry for him. 

Dan can eat an entire sleeve of Oreos in one sitting and wash them down with a giant glass of milk, and not gain an ounce. All I have to do is look at them and I’ll see the affects on my hips the next morning. With swimsuit season looming, I’ve just started my annual routine of running an extra mile in the afternoons, watching my caloric intake, and being perpetually cranky, all the while adding whole milk, bacon, sausage, pasta, ice cream, and peanut butter to my grocery list for Dan. 

I suggested that we go on Oprah to get advice from Dr. Oz, but Dan wasn’t crazy about the idea. 

Anyway, I have faith that our love…and a few bon bons…will get us through this difficult time. In the meantime, because I consider myself a bit of an expert on weight gain, I’ve compiled the following tips to help Dan out. If you can think of more, send me your comments! 

1. Don’t eat because you are hungry. Eat whenever you feel excited, antsy, depressed, angry, or bored. 

2. Graze. Leave open containers of potato chips and candy sitting around and just grab a handful at a time. 

3. The drive-through is your friend. 

4. Get second and third helpings of all my delicious meals…or grab a Hot Pocket out of the freezer when I’m not looking. 

5. Follow the time-honored Southern tradition of frying everything!