The Mutuality 2012 Synchroblog

June 10, 2012 Rachel Held Evans

“I'm sitting at my desk reading this response after a very busy, tiring day of work. And I have tears in my eyes. To think that I, as a woman, am equal. To think that I, as a woman, am a reflection of my Creator. To think that I, as a woman, have God-given(!) gifts to serve AND to lead. And to think that God (my Creator) and Jesus (my Savior) actually care about the all of the wounds that feel so raw, that They (and even others I've encountered here) care about justice for a woman like me. I don't know how to explain this, and please forgive me if it makes sense only to me: I feel like a woman whose dignity is being restored word by word by word in this beautiful series. And God Himself is restoring it. I feel myself literally sitting taller in my chair as I write these lines.”

– comment from “Surviving,” in response to “Ask an Egalitarian”

This has been, without a doubt, my most rewarding week of blogging.

In response to our coordinate efforts for Mutuality 2012, I have heard from women who say they feel their dignity and worth have been restored, from multiple readers who have changed their minds about women in ministry, from couples relieved that they can finally put a name to how their relationship has functioned all along, from singles freshly inspired by the “great cloud of witnesses” that surrounds them, from followers of Jesus whose passion for justice and equality has been renewed, from women ready to “get on with it” and stop asking permission to use their gifts and start unapologetically using them.

(Programming note: I’ve got two more posts left in the series, which I’ll share tomorrow....Then I’m taking the rest of the week off!)

Reading through your contributions to the Mutuality 2012 Synchroblog, I’ve experienced such a range of emotions: anger, conviction, inspiration, solidarity, encouragement, and –most of all—hope. It was impossible to pick favorites, so I’ve included a list of all 188 official contributions at the end of the post. Below are just a few highlights to wet your whistle. Enjoy!

Mutuality 2012 - Around the Web

Scott Peterson with “Why I’m Not a Complementarian by One Guy Who Should Be”

“When our roles are forcefully determined by systems which don’t treat us as individuals we are dehumanized, banished from our freedom in Christ, and stripped of our deepest sense of calling. When we are pressed from actualizing our Holy Spirit-given gifts, we are left feeling not merely unfulfilled but caged. If we dig deep enough, we may discover that this isn’t even an issue of gender; it is an issue of humanity. It is an issue of whether we actually believe that Jesus has the power to tear down the walls that presume to prescribe our fate and separate us from one another...No, I could never be a complementarian. It is too static, too simplistic, and too far removed from the kingdom that Jesus is building.”

Alise Wright with “You Don’t Have to Take Your Clothes Off to Be Egalitarian”

“Why would God make me equal to my husband when we were getting it on, but not when we were getting a new car? Why would we submit to one another when we were making a baby, but not when we were making parenting decisions? Why would we be partners in the bedroom, but leader and submissive in the living room (well, unless the kids weren’t around and you know…)?”

KR Wordgazer with "What Galatians 3:28 Cannot Mean” and “Are Women Seeking Ministry ‘Demanding Rights’?"

“If being ‘in Christ’ when it comes to ‘there is not male and female’ has no practical bearing on what males and females can or can't do every day in their churches, then how can being ‘in Christ’ have any practical bearing on what Christians do in any part of their lives?”

“...It's easy, really, if you're born into a position where you never have to shout to be heard, to fault those who do have to shout to be heard.”

Liz Myrick with “Screaming From the Pew”

“So that afternoon, while he was reading in a chair in our living room, I curled up next to him and made my announcement. ‘Daddy, guess what? I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a preacher just like you.’ I remember how his face looked as he thought about his answer, like he was arranging the words in his mind before he let them out. His pause was my first inclination that he wasn't as thrilled as I expected him to be at the announcement that I would be following in his footsteps. When the words came out, though, they were worse than the silence. ‘Well, honey,’ he said very slowly, ‘In most churches, women aren't allowed to be pastors. You could be a children's director or something like that, but not a pastor.’”

Leigh Kramer with “Do Unto Singles: Suggestions for the Church”

“It hurts when being a wife and mother is said or implied to be a woman's greatest calling. I want to get married but there's no guarantee that is in my future. It doesn't mean I cannot fulfill God's purpose for my life. I'm single and that's not a bad thing.”

Dianna Anderson with “Of Gods and Godheads”

“To say that patriarchal complementarian theology is modeled on the Godhead is to slant and twist an orthodox understanding of the Godhead itself. It is to place members of the Godhead into a hierarchy, when orthodox theological tradition dictates that this is not and cannot be the case.”

David W. Congdon with “Trinity, Gender, and Subordination”

“It is truly a dire state of affairs within the church when Christians appeal to the doctrine of the trinity to support gender subordination.”

Micha Boyett with “What Makes a Pastor?”

“In the upside down paradigm of God’s Kingdom, where the last are first and the first are last, I can’t help but believe that the sort of minister who will sit in the most coveted seat at the Great Banquet, must be the abused, divorced woman who loved little ones well, with little reward and a quiet exit. A woman who held up her hands while we gathered around, a woman who knew how to tell the Great Story, who offered us a true magic, the glowing light held bright above, who called us close to look at Jesus and see what it meant to be loved.”

Kelly Flanagan with “Marriage Is For Losers”

“Many therapists aren’t crazy about doing marital therapy. It’s complicated and messy, and it often feels out of control. In the worst case scenario, the therapist has front row seats to a regularly-scheduled prize fight. But I love to do marital therapy. Why? Maybe I enjoy the work because I keep one simple principle in mind: if marriage is going to work, it needs to become a contest to see which spouse is going to lose the most, and it needs to be a race that goes down to the wire.”

Addie Zierman with “The Voice and the Echo”

“Somewhere along the way, I forgot that I was not made to echo a man. I was made to echo the wild love of God.”

Emily Hunter McGowin with “That the word of God may not be reviled: Titus 2:3-5 and Women's Proper Place”

"For this reason, I think the use of Titus 2:3-5 as support for the universal prescription that all women (or at least all married women) are to be homemakers is actually a little absurd. Read in light of his cultural context, Paul is not teaching the universal, inalterable responsibilities for all women at all times. (Indeed, if it were so, surely they would have shown up in more places than Titus!) Instead,he is teaching the right way to submit to the expectations of the surrounding culture in order for the good news to be advanced. This is not uncommon for him, as you know (see especially, 1 Cor 9:19-23; 1 Cor 10:23-33; 1 Thess 4:11-12; 1 Tim 6:1), but was a hallmark of his mission work."

From Two to One with “Our marriage is based on love, not power”

“...Marriage isn’t a hierarchy because marriage shouldn't be like the rest of the world's relationships; marriage isn’t about power dynamics.”

Ben Irwin with “A Letter to My Daughter”

“...There will come a time, I’m sorry to say, when you’ll meet certain people who will try to steal your sense of boundless opportunity. They will tell you that some roles in life aren’t for you, simply because you’re a woman. That your gender means you have to take a backseat. That you are forever consigned to be in the audience and not on the stage. Always a follower and never a leader. They will tell you this is so because God — the same God we read about at bedtime — made it so. They will tell you that God made you inferior, subordinate, second-class. Not that they’ll use these words. (Well, they might use 'subordinate.') Instead, they’ll talk about 'complementarity' and 'submission.' But what they really mean is, your path to God runs through a man...They are wrong."

Gina M Bakkun with “What I Want From My Brothers”

“I want my brothers to enter my world for a moment, to understand what it's like to hear, ‘Women don't struggle with lust, pornography, masturbation.’ To understand what it's like to hear, ‘You should stay beautiful so your husband doesn't cheat on you.’ To understand what it's like to be told that I won't enjoy sex as much as men, but that my body is so intensely sexual that I must be overly-fastidious about how it's covered. I want my brothers to understand what it's like to hear,’ “You'd be a great pastor if you weren't a woman.’”

DL Mayfield with “Women’s Work”

“My mother, who is someone I can only describe as having an unquenchable thirst for God, raised me and my sisters on a steady diet of missionary biographies. The vast majority of them were about women: how they left all that they knew and any hope of a future to go and preach the good news. They were the original abolitionists, whistleblowers, labor representatives, feminists. They went to be Jesus, to the people that Jesus always went to: the ones that the powerful wanted nothing to do with. When I was young I read about strong women, wearing tight buns and buttoned-up clothing, raising hell in India, China, and Russia. I view it now as a rich legacy of service born out of racist and sexist theology: missions were one of the few places a woman could be in a place of leadership. And so the female preachers, teachers, and evangelists left the West, forsaking families and cultures that had no place for their gifts. And they brought liberation with them, wherever they went.”

Joshua Carney with “Why I’m Not Complementarian”

“Power is quintessentially defined by Jesus hanging on a cross. This is the way God expresses power in the world. Jesus subverts our definition of power. At the end of the day, power is not best expressed by Batman, Superman, Prince Charming or William Wallace. Power, by Biblical standards, comes from below. Power picks up a towel and serves. Power chooses the less glamorous choice. Power is not so insecure that it needs the final word. Power does not need control.”

Rachel Strietzel with “Sheep, Shepherds, and Complementarians”

“As he wrapped up his message, this pastor asked that we pray for our shepherds. He asked the spiritual guides within the church to stand: ‘The elders, the deacons, the fathers, and the single mothers.’ He repeated this short list. Around us those people stood while my heart fell. Jason widened his eyes at me, grabbed my hand, and stayed seated next to me. That's what solidarity looks like: My wonderful husband, sitting if I cannot stand by his side.”

Kristen Rosser with “Does Someone Have to Be in Charge of Your Marriage?”

“Why must some Christians insist that marriage is ‘an organization,’ or should work like one? Marriage is an organic unit, a synthesis, a joining of two into one body. It is, or should be, the best kind of best-friend relationship you could ever have...The Bible teaches that two people who are married become ‘one flesh,’ not ‘one organization.’”

Lindsay Tweedle with “Stories”

“I stood in the pulpit and gave my oft-practiced, now very memorized message. It was well-received and most of the people in my congregation were affirming and positive. What I remembered was the man at the front who, as soon as I began to speak, turned and walked out of the sanctuary.”

Sarah Moon with “Reclaiming Complementarianism”

“This view that you’re either a man and all the roles that come with “manhood,” or you’re a woman and all the roles that come with “womanhood” is reductive and dehumanizing. It ignores God-given talents. It ignores the hard work that it takes to prepare for some roles. It ignores socialization. It ignores personality. It ignores personal happiness. It ignores the complexity of human beings. It puts all people, regardless of who they are, into one of two tiny boxes and calls that freedom.”

Richard Beck with “Is it Pragmatics or Power in Patriarchy?”

"If there is no problem to fix, if patriarchy has no pragmatic function, if patriarchy is not useful, if patriarchy is an end in itself and not a means, then the exercise of power is exposed for what it truly is. Without anything to fix the powerplay is simply a powerplay, one person exercising power over another for no other reason than the desire to exercise power. If you don't need to wield power then why are you using it? And with that question we get to the rub of the matter, why the "somebody has to decide" argument has been so critical in the patriarchal worldview. This argument has made patriarchy seem useful. It is an argument that has been used to hide the powerplay by dressing it up in pragmatic clothing. Power isn't about power, it is argued, it's about making marriages work better.”

Pam Hogeweide with “My Failed Christian Marriage”

“With a flare of fury in my gut, I threw the book across the bedroom. Thud! It hit the wall before hitting the floor. Jerry didn’t even flinch, oblivious to the internal battle raging in bed next to him. Flinging that book across the room was like throwing off the strait jacket of patriarchy that I had attempted to stuff my marriage into all those years. My marriage would no longer be subjected to the demanding code of traditionalistic Christianity. Nor would my identity. Jerry and I had a solid marriage. Why I hadn’t I seen it before? I was a faithful wife, he a faithful husband. We were committed to one another and to our children. I was finished trying to emulate the ideal Christian couple, whatever that meant. It might work for some, but Jerry and Pam had our own, customized version of what works in a marriage. God, I was beginning to realize, must not be as rigid about male/female relationshipsthan we suppose him to be. A fresh wind of liberty blew into my home and marriage that night. I had crossed a threshold into a new era of married life. From that moment on, I began to enjoy the strength of my marriage to Jerry rather than fretting over its lack of patriarchal propriety.”

Diana Trautwein with “Becoming Who We Are”

“She enrolled in seminary when their youngest 'baby' was a senior in high school - and she was 44 years old and only two years away from being a grandmother. He said, ‘The time has come for my shirts to go to the laundry - no more ironing for you.’”

Paul A. with “A Radical Feminist Rabbi Named Jesus”

“How truly unfortunate that we have allowed the culturally conditioned words of Paul to specific churches dealing with specific problems to overshadow the tremendous feminism of Jesus himself. Not once did he tell a woman to be quiet. Not once did he demand anything less from his female followers than he did from the men. Not once did he allow cultural stereotypes to color the inherent worth he found in the women around him.”

Jessica Parks with “I’ve got your back, Deborah”

“Deborah is often disregarded, despite her presence and position in Scripture demanding at least some consideration as to what it means for women in the church. She doesn’t fit the framework of complementarianism and so she is considered an anomaly, or a judgment sentence, or whatever, because she’s a woman. Because she’s in the Old Testament. Because 1 Timothy 2:12 trumps Judges 4 and 5. Because every piece has to fit together. Because, because, because....Read the text of Judges 4 and 5. There is nothing there to condemn her. And if the Scriptures don’t condemn her, then I certainly won’t.”

Amanda Peterson with “I Hear of Women Rising”

“I ached for the woman around me to know the same power in themselves, and I wept whenever I saw the Church as the author of these depowering acts--shunning women who got pregnant out of wedlock, instructing women to submit to their abusive husbands, forcing women to fall inline with cultural traditions that promoted men in value and lessened women in theirs.”

Jenny Rae Armstrong with “Making Space for the Feminine Voice”

“'It is not good for man to be alone,' and I believe that holds true for every aspect of human existence, not just our personal relationships.Women have an incredible wealth of wisdom, insight, and parallel perspectives to offer the world. There are treasures to be mined in Scripture that female eyes can spot much more readily than male’s, deep, untapped veins of gold still waiting to be unearthed. There are solutions apparent to third-world mothers that male heads of state would never think of. A healthy shot in the arm of female influence would inoculate our world against a whole host of devastating social diseases.”

Leslie Keeney with “Why Women Shouldn't Give Up on the ETS”

“...Women are such a rarity at ETS that many people will assume that any woman they meet is the spouse of an attendee and they will ask her where her husband teaches.”

Amy Lepine Peterson with “Culture and context in Corinthians”

"Paul is concerned with order in worship. The prophets are told to speak one at a time, or to be silent. The speakers in tongues are told to be silent unless there is an interpreter. And the women are told not to chat in church, but to save their questions for later. Paul, whose friendship with and respect for women like Junia, Phoebe, and Priscilla is well-documented, is not teaching that women must always be silent in the church. Instead, women leaders are to lead appropriately, and women in the congregation are to participate appropriately, all for the building up of the Body. Understanding the cultural context is vital. You can tell those teenagers in the balcony to put away their cellphones and stop giggling - to be silent in church! - but that woman on the mic? Let her speak."

Carlynn Jurica with “A Letter to Christian Girls”

“So, my darlings, never ever let any man tell you that women are not as strong, brave, or capable of handling crises as men. It’s simply not true.”

Brian LePort with “Complementarianism is Not Counter-Culture”

“Egalitarianism remains counter-cultural. Patriarchy reflects the world’s ways....Most of the world and most of human history has been oppressive to women, even Christians in the name of ‘headship.’ So let’s ditch the silly argument that the complementarians are standing their ground against a corrupt culture. They look more far more like the world in this regard.”

Kristen Nielsen with “May I introduce logic to emotions?”

“‘But you can’t do that.’ I turned and stared at the boy who had uttered those words. I was seventeen and working at a Christian summer camp in Southern New Jersey. That fall, I was headed to university to learn how to love students better and was telling my fellow co-workers that I wanted to preach in the all-camp final service. With sunblock dripping in my eyes and confusion clouding my soul, I replied ‘why?’ ‘Because you’re a girl. Girls teaching men is a sin. Everyone knows that.’ And with those simple words I would never forget, boundaries were placed upon my previous understanding of a boundless God.”

Tell Me Why the World is Weird with “As a woman, I will read Esther on my own terms, thank you very much”

“Every Christian studies Jesus and Paul and David, but only women study Esther and Ruth. What's with that? If they're really such good role models, aren't they good for both men and women?...You know what I want to see? A women's conference whose advertising flier has a picture of a dragon. Because dude, I want to fight dragons. If your women's bible study or Christian conference even marginally associates itself with dragons, SIGN ME UP!”

Micky De Witt with “Fathers and Daughters”

“The problem is that I am a girl. I am told that I can’t be just like my dad. Why? Because my dad is a leader. My dad is a pastor. My dad teaches men and women. And in the Bible, there is this one verse…”

Megan Clapp with “The Closest Neighbor”

“I introduce myself as Pastor Megan, (everyone on staff goes by their title and first name), and yet I have been called 'little girl' and 'young lady' more times than I can count.”

Brice Ezell with “You Can, But You Shouldn't: An Interesting Bit of Complementarian Logic”

"While complementarians hold that it would be wrong or improper for a woman to teach in a church setting, I have heard of very few, if any, who would say women are physically incapable of doing so. That is, if a highly educated woman, say she had a PhD Biblical theology, were to prepare a highly detailed and engaging sermon that led to conclusions the congregation already agreed with, I doubt most complementarians would say that she is wrong. Rather, they would say she is usurping the natural order of hierarchy...But this is a truly befuddling situation: we don't doubt that the woman can do this as well as a man could, but we somehow think she is wrong in doing so. How can this be the case?"

Lyndsey Graves with “For You Are All Sons of God”

“I just can’t argue anymore. What I intend to do instead is to take my theology degree, and earn more theology degrees. I will learn, read, and pray very hard about God and the church and this gorgeous broken world...And then I intend to read, think, write, and teach with such violent passion, such excellence, that the argument is moot, and I will do so as a woman who wants, even needs, her theology to be logical but also beautiful, relational, mysterious in ways that few men have ever written it to other men. We theologians have the task of re-understanding, reframing the truth again and again, and I plan to do it through my own frame, and to do it so well that the seminary presidents who refuse to hire my sisters and I will know they have made a mistake.”

Sarah Bessey with “In which you are loved and you are free”

“Let me remind you: you are loved. And you are free. I say, let them bicker. Let them make up the rules, we don’t abide by them. Let them add and add and add to the millstone around their own poor neck. You, you are called to freedom, you are called to wholeness, you are called to love and mercy and justice, you are called to the better way, and it will not be taken from you. Gently loosen that millstone from their neck, if you can, whisper the rumours of freedom to the north, but don’t get so roped up in the entanglements of limits and the weight of apologetics that you forget that you are already free.”

Mutuality 2012 - All Submissions

Transformed Women, Christ, and Soft Patriarchy
by Erin Thomas

An Alternative Church Doctrine Statement
by Jessica Cheetham

Un-silencing Eve
by Suzannah Paul

We Are All Needed
by Kris Shiplet

Marriage Is For Losers
by Kelly Flanagan

The Dance of Mutuality in Ephesians 5
by Harriet Congdon

God, In Search of a Uterus
by Larry Shallenberger

"Of Religious Watch Dogs and Rules"
by Cheryl Lawrence

Week of Mutuality
by Brad Duncan

women in ministry - i'm over it
by Tony

What Makes a Pastor? Or Linda Horne and the Great Mystery
by Micha Boyett