A few months ago I shared 13 things that make me a lousy evangelical. Well now that I’ve spent some time with the more progressive crowd (most recently at Big Tent Christianity), I thought I’d share 13 things that make me a lousy progressive:

1. I don’t have any tattoos. 

2. I actually think it’s possible to overanalyze a metaphor.

3. The word “inerrant” may make my scalp itch, but the word “inspired” still rings true. 

4. Sometimes I shop at Wal Mart. 

5. I’ll probably never drop the f-bomb in a lecture just for kicks… I’m afraid my mom will find out. 

6. Voting for pro-choice candidates still makes me uncomfortable. 

7. Sometimes I get tired of “living in the tension” and I long for the days when everything in life fit into neat and tidy categories of right and wrong, black and white, good and bad, us and them.  I don’t want to return to those prideful days of unassailable certainty, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss them now and then.  They were easier. 

8. Thick-rimmed glasses make my face look fat.

9. I think it’s possible that some of the things that go wrong in the world are not the fault of white males. 

10. I talk a big game about going green and saving the earth’s precious resources, but I always leave the faucet running when I’m using the restroom at someone else’s house because I don’t want anyone to hear me pee.  

11. Al Gore still gets on my nerves. 

12. If conservative evangelicals are at times guilty of perpetual self-congratulation, then progressive Christians are at times guilty of perpetual self-doubt. Sometimes I want to shout, “Of course we haven’t included everybody! Of course we’re not saying this exactly right! Of course we there’s more to it than that! But let’s stop hedging and second-guessing and splitting hairs for five minutes and actually just affirm something!”  (Which, I realize, is sort of a self critique in and of itself. Hmmmm…)

13. Hamburgers, bacon, and steak. (No vegetarianism for this Southern gal!) 

Are you a progressive? In what ways do you break the mold? 

Are you a conservative?  How might you differ from your peers? 

Don't take this one too seriously. Have fun with it!